Thursday, April 24, 2008

It never fails.

I will never win an award for Mother of the Year. It's futile. Not that I entered any contest or anything...but seriously. So, I've been gone for 4 days. Today was a great morning of hanging out with the girls & playing the Littlest Pet Shop game. Then I got everyone dressed for an outing.

Catherine Rendel bought the girls a gift card to Barnes and Noble after their week in the hospital in February. It was the sweetest gift. I have been saving it for a special day. Today was the day. So we loaded up in the car to go to Fashion Island. I was just a block away from our house when I realized that I had forgotten Lexi's diaper bag. But if you are a mom, you know how long it takes to get out the door and actually into the car. Since I was still relishing that victory, I just wanted to keep pressing on. Besides...we wouldn't be gone too long ( I thought.)

So we arrive. We have a great time outdoors. Haley decided to roll around on the grass. I was a little embarrassed since this is a very rich, high-class establishment. But hey...let the kid be a kid. Until she rolls into dog poop. Awesome. Luckily, it just got on her shoes. Crisis averted. I know, let's go look at the fish. So we move on....

No problems there. Just a fun time a playing around and looking at the KOI.

So now we move inside for some lunch. (BTW, I know how to eat on a dime. I fed the three of us at Fashion Island for $8.00. Yeah, I don't mess around.) So, the girls are done eating, and they want to run around by the fountain. It was so fun to watch them play. Lexi is so attached to Haley. She just followed her around, playing, & laughing. Then other kids started coming up and they were all having the best time. These are the moments when my heart is full. I am so content.

Then I noticed that Lexi had a grip on the water fountain with a serious look on her face. Which could mean one of two things... She was contemplating the structure of the fountain, or she was taking a dump. When she released her grip on the fountain, she came over to me to share her lovely scent, proving the latter theory was true. Thank you Lexi. Please recall, I have no diaper bag. And the WHOLE point of our trip was to go to Barnes and Noble, which we had yet to do.

So, I quickly gather the troops and head into B&N. Not without stopping at Starbucks first to fulfill my own selfish indulgences. Yes. I did. And I took Lexi and her odor with me. But don't worry....I played it off like I was smelling it for the first time, so at least no one around me thought I was a horrible mother.

We head upstairs to look at books, and the kids are having so much fun. I hate to rush things...but the poop was spreading, and leakage was appearing on her pants. I STILL have no diaper bag. Would it be bad to wipe her off in the bathroom, and let her run pantsless through B&N, I start to wonder? Yes, probably so. I opted against that.

So, I'm trying to hurry the girls along, but they are still having so much fun. Until, the poop caught up with Lexi and she started grabbing her pants and schreeching "POOPSY....ough! POOPSY MOMMY." Awesome. Can you say that any quieter? PLEASE! All the other moms were looking at me with such disdain., my kids picked the most expensive kids book there was. $25.99. I think if you add up every book I've ever bought, they don't cost that much. But there is no time to argue this. We must get poopy briches home. So, $27 dollars later...we are out the door.

Lexi cried all the way home about her poopy pants. Poor thing, after looking at the damage, I would have been crying too.

So all that to say...1)Always remember the diaper bag, and 2)Don't nominate me for Mother of the Year....not that you would.


VikingMom said...

I wish I could say that with four children I only experienced this once. But no, I did this on several occasios. I even resorted to the diaperless child because of my errant ways. (Diaperless only worked 50 percent of the time because my kids were constantly peeing.)

You're still a great mom. You're an awesome mom in fact. (Note: I paused here to yell at my daughter for pouting. It looks like I won't be winning that award either.)

VikingMom said...

Apparently the new spelling of "Occasions" is "occasios".

Lyn said...

I laughed all the way through that one. You ARE an awesome mom! And Lexi will never remember that in a hundred years (or tomorrow, for that matter). But they'll remember the water fountain, rolling in the grass, having lunch with mommy, and buying their special book. Congratulations on creating another wonderful memory!

discomommy said...

Ewwwwww...that is truly a good day gone bad!

Kurt said...

you'll hate me for this...
I've taken both kids out without diaper bags many times... Not because I forgot - but just because I decided it would probably be okay and i was to lazy to mess with it. Guess what - I've never had a single poop. Not once. tee hee

VikingMom said... I need to post the dork sign again? That's totally not fair. God must really like you.

Stacey said...

You know Kristi, if you recycle the diaper upon the first wiff of jiff and before the next pee, you can lesson the odor, and avoid some of the leakage issues. Trust me, we've all found ourselves diaperless at one time or another. However, only a good friend like Kurt would rub it in that he hasn't had an poop accident while out and about. But guess what? JACK IS STILL IN DIAPERS!!! So you're not out of th woods yet Kurt!

Diane Davis said...

it actually sounds like a really nice day with your girls. a little poop can't spoil making snow angels in the grass or skipping around the fountain or being so in love with your sister that you follow her everywhere.

AMankin said...

I am laughing out loud and feeling your pain. But let's be real, the Mother of the Year award I would give is based on fun and love-not an ever present store of supplies. Sounds like a great time & only you will remember the aroma of the day!

Lisa P said...


Don't you think that's a little like inviting a jinx on your world? You better watch your back--or your son's pants!