Sunday, June 21, 2009

Operation Shared Room: Total Failure.

I am so sad. It's just not working out. The girls can't share a room. It started out so well, but after the novelty wore off, it has resulted in the same story: Lexi talking and trying to keep Haley awake, and Haley yelling at Lexi and telling her to be quiet. Consequently, the parents are losing their sanity minute by minute.

So here are tonight's events....

The girls go down. 5 minutes later...the doors start opening. "Lexi won't be quiet." "Haley this...Haley that." Curtis talked to both of them several times...threats were handed out. Tears were shed. Repeat process.

Curtis leaves.

I am alone...with two crazy kids...refusing to sleep.

I devise this plan and calmly share it with the girls:

You can talk. You can laugh. You can sing songs. But if anyone says stop, then you need to stop. If I have to come in because I hear yelling and someone is upset, or if one of you walks out of the room to tattle on the other, I take a quarter out of your bank. (Cue tears.) Good news: If you go to bed without any drama, the next day, you can get a quarter back for good behavior. And if there are 7 days in a row of going straight to bed....CHUCK E CHEESE.

They seemed to like that. And I felt like the smartest mom alive.

This lasted approximately 2:24 minutes.

It was 10:14. I was done.

I took away their sleeping friends. And warned them that spankings were next (and I HATE to spank.) But with my strong-willed, stubborn kids...sometimes, it is the ONLY thing to get through.

So guess what happens next? Yep. Spankings.

I officially feel like the WORST mom in the entire world. I hate getting angry with my kids. I feel like a failure. I am bummed that the room share won't work, but I seriously can NOT go through this EVERY night. It's not worth it. I don't know what else to do.

In the end...we loved on each other. We all cried. Apologized to one another. Hugged. Said good-night.

But I still feel sick. Just sick. I had to call Curtis (who is at the movies) just to talk it out cause I felt paralyzed....I was that sad.
My face is still wet with tears. I think what hurts the most is that we only get one chance at this, you know? And what if I am doing it ALL wrong? What if my kids are messed up because of me?

Sigh. (BIG Sigh.)

I can't get caught up in that. I really am trying to do the best that I can.

I just want to wake my kids up right now and tell them how much I love them. But I guess I will wait for tomorrow since it took half of my life just to get them down tonight.

Tomorrow is a new day. A day of changes. A day for new rooms. And hopefully an evening of much better sleep!


Heidi said...

You are NOT a failure. Not in any way... Kids know how to find your limits and push you past them. It's what they do. It's what we did when we were kids and we turned out all right... Your girls know that you love them. They absolutely, positively know this. Parenting is so hard. We always think we're doing things wrong. Sometimes we are - but it's a learning process... Give yourself a chance to learn. You can't know everything right out of the gate. Hang in there friend - things will get better.

Brazenlilly said...

"In the end...we loved on each other." Kristi, these girls know they are loved. They will never doubt that. And you are right, you CANNOT get caught up in the self-doubt--that WILL make you a worse parent. Allow the thought, maybe even express it, then get support and start a new day. Have you noticed that both Heidi and I have posted recently about feeling we are messing up our kids and making mistakes? Join the club!

My mother-in-law, just last night, gave me a new piece of advice. She said that in all the praying for your kids, don't forget to pray for yourself. At the end of the day, pray for God to take the mistakes you made and either erase them in your children's minds or use them for good.

And also, you win some, you lose some. You tried the room share. It doesn't work. You change your plan. You'd never know if you hadn't tried it. Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't linger over the failed experiment, anymore than you want your kids lingering over things that went wrong for them.

Love you and chin up, young person!

AMankin said...

1. you are NOT a faliure
2. it will ALL be ok!!


Lyn said...

I just now found your post. I hope you haven't already moved rooms.

You have some great advice from Heidi and Jen. You are a GREAT mom. Keep telling yourself that! You love your kids to no end, and that's what hurts when they try you.

The "experiment" has worked many nights, and if I'm not too late, I say "try again." Maybe tonight will be better. Look back at past blogs where you said how sweet the girls were and how happy they were in their room together.

You're such a good mom, so loving and tender-hearted. Don't let this tear you up. Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be right. I love you so much!!!

JD said...

I don't know - I think it best to accept that you are doing it all wrong and that they will be all messed up because of you - but they'll eventually figure it out and be fine. Just save the quarters for future counseling and go about your business....

Anonymous said...

I understand your feelings. And with my girls at 14 and 12 I still have the same thoughts you had last night. All in all I remind the girl's that no matter how upset or disappointed I may be with their behavior that my love for them never changes. There is nothing they can do to make me stop loving them.

Jennifer LeTourneau said...

You're a beautiful mom...we have all had those days. But your love shines through and this is what will penetrate through your children!

My girls shared a room for 5 years...not always easy but the newness wears off and they do actually sleep. A couple of ideas: stagger bedtimes so one is asleep already; bunkbeds?? My girls slept in a bunkbed which I think could help since they cannot see each other; play soft music in their room...helps to calm them and they stay quiet to hear it...keep it really soft. You may have tried these things already but I thought I'd throw them worked for us.

Anyway, I think you're a pretty amazing lady...full of His love! You have many gifts...and being a great mom is one!