Friday, August 7, 2009

WV Pool Party

We are in West Virginia. One thing I find interesting is how everyone seems to know each other here. Curtis told me it is because most people have been here there whole lives. It is always interesting when we come to town, because Bruce (my Father in Law) causes a big stir. Everyone wants to see him...find out what he's been up on and so forth.

So I hear rumors about old friends of his who have a pool. Something about a girl he went to school with as a kid who had a crush on him at one time or another. But I digress. Apparently, they have a pool. And not just one of those above ground pools, but a certified in ground pool. It's kind of a big deal.

So they knew that we were coming to town and had called a few times asking where we were. Connie kept telling Bruce to call over and let them know we would come over today...but he didn't wanna (hear my accent coming through?) He thought we would just show up.

So show up we did.

We pulled up and his friend (we'll call her Charlene)...jumped up and grabbed a towel and put it over her. Then went on to tell him it's because she hasn't shaved...because of COURSE that is what you tell someone when you haven't seen them in a few years.

From that moment on, I struggled to keep up with all the goins' on....

But here are some of the highlights...

2 ATVS pulling up with a mom, her daughter, and the daughter's step-son.
- The mom is smoking. Haley tells her not to.
- The daughter is 30. Her stepson is 24.

One lady was a retired cop (who is now 60) and she asked Bruce if he remembers her flashing the school bus when they were kids. When he said no, she said, " would have remembered if I did." Then went on to talk about how she used to work at K-MART and wear a black thong with white pants and made all the boys crazy. (REMEMBER - I DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE!)

This same lady asked the 24 year old stepson of her friend if he likes fat chicks...cause she wanted to get incestual with him.

Then a sweet little old lady came by from next door (who of course was Bruce's old schoolteacher) and let them borrow the newspaper. But she wanted it back, because even though it was delivered in the morning, it is the NIGHT edition, and her husband refused to read it until it was NIGHT.

They took said newspaper and looked through the yard sale ads, because of COURSE they are going yard saling in the morning...and last week she bought "fat lady clothes" at a yard sale...because yard sales never have "fat lady clothes" and she wanted to stock up. But she doesn't go to skanky yard sales because they have bad clothes.

She apparently buys too much at these yard sales though because she has 54 MIRRORS in her living room. And a door from the old funeral home...just because she wanted it.

Then we heard tales of a 7 year old apostolic boy who came up and tried to rebuke the demons out of her.

Now...these two sisters apparently throw some interesting parties, one of which had a doctor who was walking around passing out viagra. She decided to go to the doctor. And then he asked her why and she said because she thought he might know someone she could give viagra to....

One of these women also has a bowel problem. Apparently has to poop as soon as she gets the urge. And her sister said, "she has literally pooped on the side of the road in every position possible." One time she had to poop in a public stall next to a little girl and her mom. The little girl heard her drop the bomb and kept asking her mom who was pooping, and they lady felt bad so she started talking like BARNEY and said "It's BARNEY...and I have to POOP!" And the little girl and "Barney" had a conversation of the stall door for the next couple of minutes.

Okay people...I could go on and on...but I think you get the drift.

Here's what I know. West Virginia is filled with some wild, wonderful people. I fit in just fine!


Lisa P said...

OH MY! Where to even begin? I wish I had been a fly on the wall. Er, I take that back, because if I was a fly, I might have had to visit the loads being left beside the road!

Don said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....well, your vacation is definitely more memorable than ours! LOVE the night-only reader. Hope Charlene and friends don't read blogs. You might get mooned, shaved, and pooped on. They might even drive over to KY and crash the reunion. HAHAHA.

Kristen said...

I've been waiting for these stories, and they did not dissappoint.

Heidi said...

Best story ever.

I hope to hear more!

Lyn said...

Too funny! You're a great story-teller! I laughed all the way through!

World of Wright said...

So you heard a "story" about some "lady" with a "pooping problem", some "laddy" "didn't shave", "someone" passed out "viagra" blah blah blah.
We know these stories are about you and Curtis!

JD said...

Your facebook pics made me miss Tennessee... but now it's all coming back to me. Thanks for the reminder.

SingingShrink said...

I was talking with Kira the other day, looking at the houses in Huntington Beach, spaced 3 feet apart. I remarked how it's funny that at 3 feet apart you likely have no idea who your neighbors are, yet in "middle of the woods" West Virginia for instance, you could be 3 miles from your nearest neighbor, and have them over for dinner every few weeks. BTW, congratulations on the new home! :)

SingingShrink said...

i guess with neighbors like the ones you talk about, you may not want to really get to know them very well (unless you're lookin for a good laugh!). Is that why you picked a house in the middle of nowhere?

Angie said...

You don't know me, but I had your Dad as a prof at JBC and traveled in Declaration when you were just a baby---ANYHOW---we moved to West VA when I was a freshman at JBC--my Dad was president of Bluefield College of Evangelism and later taught at JBC--but boy can I relate with the West VA stories and could I tell you some---loved the blog--needed the laugh---thank you!!!